My Sexual and Romantic Identities: How Do I Identify?

This is a follow up from my last post, where I discussed how I identify in regards to my gender. As I said in that post, I talk a lot on here talking about all different gender identities and sexualities, but I've never actually taken the time to address how I identify.

Photo Credit: The Trevor Project

My gender identity is a little simpler to explain, mainly because I still have NO idea how I identify romantically or sexually. 

First off, it's important to explain that there is a difference between your sexual identity and your romantic identity. To do that, I'm going to refer to this bit from the Unc-Chapel Hill LGBT Center:

Attraction - There are many different types of attraction, including:

• Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
• Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
• Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
• Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
• Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
• Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.

Romantic Orientation – Describes an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on a person’s gender(s) regardless of one’s sexual orientation. For individuals who experience sexual attraction, their sexual orientation and romantic orientation are often in alignment (i.e. they experience sexual attraction toward individuals of the same gender(s) as the individuals they are interested in forming romantic relationships with).

            Examples of Romantic Orientations (not an exhaustive list):

• Aromantic: individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender(s)
• Biromantic: romantic attraction toward males and females
• Heteroromantic: romantic attraction toward person(s) of a different gender
• Homoromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender
• Panromantic: romantic attraction towards persons of every gender(s)
• Polyromantic: romantic attraction toward multiple, but not all genders
• Gray-romantic: individuals who do not often experience romantic attraction
• Demiromantic: an individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed. People who refer to themselves as demiromantic may choose to further specify the gender(s) of those they are attracted to (e.g. demi-homoromantic).

In understanding identities and attractions, it is important to remember that orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behavior. This is another important reason why it is important to ask people how they identify, as you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behavior. This also means that you cannot assume what types of relationships or behaviors a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify.

Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked and therefore a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic.

Now back to me...

I know I like women in all aspects - both romantically and sexually - and this is inclusive to any women.

As far as men go, I am really not sure where I stand. At this point in my life, I'm pretty sure I am romantically attracted to men but I am not sure how far that goes or if that applies to anything beyond that point like a sexual attraction.

I have never been attracted to somebody who is genderfluid like me or intersex or any other nonbinary identity, but I know that I could be romantically attracted to someone like that. As far as a sexual attraction, I feel the same way here as I do about a sexual attraction to men.

I'm someone that hates not having a label, so as of this point I'd say I'm Panromantic and Gynesexual, or Panromantic and Pansexual-Curious. But who knows what could happen?

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Gender Identity:  A person's personal perception of their own gender

Non-binary: Any gender identity that is not specifically male or female 

Sexuality: A person's sexual orientation, preference, or capacity for sexual feelings

Genderfluid: Someone whose gender identity fluctuates between two or more identities

Intersex: Someone who is born with sexual anatomy that does not fit within one label of male or female.

Panromantic: A person who is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender

Gynesexual: A person who is sexually attracted to women only.

Pansexual: A person who is sexually attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender

My Gender Identity: How Do I Identify?

I talk a lot on here talking about all different gender identities and sexualities, but I've never actually taken the time to address how I identify.

My gender identity is genderfluid. This means that my gender fluctuates between different identities.

What most people don't realize is that gender is a spectrum. At birth, people are assigned male, female, or intersex based on their genitals. But this is simply their sex assigned at birth, and does not necessarily have anything to do with their gender identity. Rather, gender identity is all based on how a person feels.

Photo Credit: HopeIntercultural

Going back to the spectrum I mentioned earlier, you can see that there is plenty of room between the "guy" and "girl" gender markers on either side. This leaves room for a whole mess of gender identities that can lie in between. Some people identify as just one point on the spectrum, wherever that may be. But others, like me, can lie at two or more points on the spectrum and fluctuate in between them.

Everyone experiences gender differently, so the rest of this explanation is just how I feel about my own gender identity. It is in no way a definitive answer to how all genderfluid people identify.

For me, my dominant gender identity will always be as a boy. I feel like a boy most of the time; and even when I don't feel 100% like a boy there is still a part of my brain that holds on to my masculine identity. 

However, as I said - my gender identity fluctuates between different points. So yes, most of the time I identify as a boy. But other times I identify as a girl, or gender neutral/neutrois, or bigender, or agender.

My preference for pronouns is always they/them/their. However, I am also very comfortable with male pronouns like he/him/his at almost any time. Sometimes when I am feeling more feminine I am okay with she/her/hers pronouns, but that is so rare I almost never bring it up. 

(And for the record, I wear necklaces just about every day with my pronouns for the day on them. But if I'm not wearing them, it is ALWAYS okay to ask me!)

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Gender Identity: A person's personal perception of their own gender

Sexuality: A person's sexual orientation, preference, or capacity for sexual feelings

Genderfluid: Someone whose gender identity fluctuates between two or more identities.

Intersex: Someone who is born with sexual anatomy that does not fit within one label of male or female.

Assigned Sex at Birth: The sex you are declared at birth based on your genitals

Gender Neutral/Neutrois: Applicable to any or all genders

Bigender: Someone whose gender identity switches between two fixed identities.

Agender: Someone who does not have a gender identity.