Oops: I Accidentally Misgendered Someone...Now What?

I'm misgendered on a daily basis. On mistake, on purpose, by strangers, by friends, family classmates, co-workers, and teachers, by people I'm not out to, by people I am out to. And yeah - it sucks. But it happens, and I get that. I know that it's not practical to expect the world around me to instantly know, use, or respect my gender identity.

This is a pretty universal mindset for transgender people. Nobody likes being misgendered - and at times it can really ruin your day/week/month and cause some pretty crappy gender dysphoria. But as much as we hate it we know it's gonna happen.

What makes all the difference is what goes on after it happens. Misgendering someone on purpose is never okay. But when it happens on accident - we get it. Accidents happen. Sometimes it's just out of habit - our names and pronouns are new and you're still getting used to it. Sometimes it's an honest slip of tongue. Sometimes you just didn't know and forgot not to assume. I'm trans and I know I've accidentally misgendered people. Probably more times than I do even know about, honestly.

The point is, it's not the end of the world if you screw up. If it's an honest accident, most transgender people aren't going to instantly hate you forever. But it is important to react appropriately when it does happen.

If you accidentally misgender someone...

Do:
Apologize: Say you're sorry, correct yourself, and move on quickly.
"We're still waiting for her- I'm sorry, him- to come. "
"We're still waiting for Alli-I'm sorry, Dallas - to come."



Don't:
Over-Apologize: We know you mean good, but drawing attention to it like this just makes it more uncomfortable. 
"We're still waiting for her...oh my god! Him! It's him. I'm sorry. We're waiting for him. Oh god I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I know it's him, not her. Him him him. I'll get it next time I promise. Him. Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. Are you okay? Can you forgive me? Okay. We're waiting for HIM -to come."

It's really as easy as that!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misgender: To invalidate someone's gender; Usually by referring to them by an incorrect gender, incorrect pronouns, or a birth name".

Out: A term used for someone who has already "come out" about how they identify in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Gender Identity: A person's personal perception of their own gender

Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Gender Dysphoria: When someone experiences discomfort or distress over a mismatch between their gender identity and assigned sex at birth.