Being Misgendered

Content Warning: Misgendering.

If you are bothered by talk of being misgendered, please read with caution.

Photo Credit: Sleepyllama

The other day at work I walked in and was greeted by the few of my co-workers that were hanging around like normal. About five minutes into my shift I got a phone call from one of them who wanted to apologize to me for apparently saying "Hey girl!" when she greeted me. Truthfully, I was so tuned in to what I was doing that oddly enough, I didn't even notice what she said. I just took it as any other greeting, said "Hey!" back, and continued on with what I was doing.

This was a rare occurrence in many ways. For one thing, it's not very often I don't notice being misgendered. Even though it's something that happens to me multiple times on a daily basis, it's still one of the worst things I've ever experienced. For me, the  feeling is somewhere between being punched in the gut really hard and realizing I've shown up to school naked. It hurts, it's embarrassing, and it makes me feel exposed and invalidated. It's something I will never get used to, no matter how many times I've lied and told people that I am used to it.

But the thing that really stuck out to me was how my co-worker reacted to what she did. I've received a lot of different reactions when someone misgenders me. Most people don't even realize what they've done, and upon being corrected give me a look like I've just spoken to them in that Ubbi Dubbi language that PBS made up for Zoom back in the 90's.

 A good majority of those people still continue to do it even after being corrected. Some act like I've just told them I'm secretly an alien life-form sent to Earth to scope out the lifestyle, and continue the conversation wide-eyed with things like "Really?!" or "Prove it!". Others act like they've just triggered a bomb that's going to go off in exactly 30 seconds if they don't do everything in their power to make a big deal over their mistake.

I really appreciated the way my co-worker corrected her mistake. Without making a huge deal of it, she apologized, explained why she was doing so and that she understands she made a mistake, listened to me say thanks, and moved on. It was simple, it was calm, and most importantly it was incredibly nice to hear.
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Misgender: To invalidate someone's gender; Usually by referring to someone by an incorrect gender, incorrect pronouns, or a birth name.