My Sexual and Romantic Identities: How Do I Identify?

This is a follow up from my last post, where I discussed how I identify in regards to my gender. As I said in that post, I talk a lot on here talking about all different gender identities and sexualities, but I've never actually taken the time to address how I identify.

Photo Credit: The Trevor Project

My gender identity is a little simpler to explain, mainly because I still have NO idea how I identify romantically or sexually. 

First off, it's important to explain that there is a difference between your sexual identity and your romantic identity. To do that, I'm going to refer to this bit from the Unc-Chapel Hill LGBT Center:

Attraction - There are many different types of attraction, including:

• Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
• Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
• Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
• Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
• Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
• Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.

Romantic Orientation – Describes an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on a person’s gender(s) regardless of one’s sexual orientation. For individuals who experience sexual attraction, their sexual orientation and romantic orientation are often in alignment (i.e. they experience sexual attraction toward individuals of the same gender(s) as the individuals they are interested in forming romantic relationships with).

            Examples of Romantic Orientations (not an exhaustive list):

• Aromantic: individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender(s)
• Biromantic: romantic attraction toward males and females
• Heteroromantic: romantic attraction toward person(s) of a different gender
• Homoromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender
• Panromantic: romantic attraction towards persons of every gender(s)
• Polyromantic: romantic attraction toward multiple, but not all genders
• Gray-romantic: individuals who do not often experience romantic attraction
• Demiromantic: an individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed. People who refer to themselves as demiromantic may choose to further specify the gender(s) of those they are attracted to (e.g. demi-homoromantic).

In understanding identities and attractions, it is important to remember that orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behavior. This is another important reason why it is important to ask people how they identify, as you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behavior. This also means that you cannot assume what types of relationships or behaviors a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify.

Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked and therefore a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic.

Now back to me...

I know I like women in all aspects - both romantically and sexually - and this is inclusive to any women.

As far as men go, I am really not sure where I stand. At this point in my life, I'm pretty sure I am romantically attracted to men but I am not sure how far that goes or if that applies to anything beyond that point like a sexual attraction.

I have never been attracted to somebody who is genderfluid like me or intersex or any other nonbinary identity, but I know that I could be romantically attracted to someone like that. As far as a sexual attraction, I feel the same way here as I do about a sexual attraction to men.

I'm someone that hates not having a label, so as of this point I'd say I'm Panromantic and Gynesexual, or Panromantic and Pansexual-Curious. But who knows what could happen?

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Gender Identity:  A person's personal perception of their own gender

Non-binary: Any gender identity that is not specifically male or female 

Sexuality: A person's sexual orientation, preference, or capacity for sexual feelings

Genderfluid: Someone whose gender identity fluctuates between two or more identities

Intersex: Someone who is born with sexual anatomy that does not fit within one label of male or female.

Panromantic: A person who is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender

Gynesexual: A person who is sexually attracted to women only.

Pansexual: A person who is sexually attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender

My Gender Identity: How Do I Identify?

I talk a lot on here talking about all different gender identities and sexualities, but I've never actually taken the time to address how I identify.

My gender identity is genderfluid. This means that my gender fluctuates between different identities.

What most people don't realize is that gender is a spectrum. At birth, people are assigned male, female, or intersex based on their genitals. But this is simply their sex assigned at birth, and does not necessarily have anything to do with their gender identity. Rather, gender identity is all based on how a person feels.

Photo Credit: HopeIntercultural

Going back to the spectrum I mentioned earlier, you can see that there is plenty of room between the "guy" and "girl" gender markers on either side. This leaves room for a whole mess of gender identities that can lie in between. Some people identify as just one point on the spectrum, wherever that may be. But others, like me, can lie at two or more points on the spectrum and fluctuate in between them.

Everyone experiences gender differently, so the rest of this explanation is just how I feel about my own gender identity. It is in no way a definitive answer to how all genderfluid people identify.

For me, my dominant gender identity will always be as a boy. I feel like a boy most of the time; and even when I don't feel 100% like a boy there is still a part of my brain that holds on to my masculine identity. 

However, as I said - my gender identity fluctuates between different points. So yes, most of the time I identify as a boy. But other times I identify as a girl, or gender neutral/neutrois, or bigender, or agender.

My preference for pronouns is always they/them/their. However, I am also very comfortable with male pronouns like he/him/his at almost any time. Sometimes when I am feeling more feminine I am okay with she/her/hers pronouns, but that is so rare I almost never bring it up. 

(And for the record, I wear necklaces just about every day with my pronouns for the day on them. But if I'm not wearing them, it is ALWAYS okay to ask me!)

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Gender Identity: A person's personal perception of their own gender

Sexuality: A person's sexual orientation, preference, or capacity for sexual feelings

Genderfluid: Someone whose gender identity fluctuates between two or more identities.

Intersex: Someone who is born with sexual anatomy that does not fit within one label of male or female.

Assigned Sex at Birth: The sex you are declared at birth based on your genitals

Gender Neutral/Neutrois: Applicable to any or all genders

Bigender: Someone whose gender identity switches between two fixed identities.

Agender: Someone who does not have a gender identity.

Transgender Representation in 1952

I found this from a Tumblr post (surprise, surprise) and came here to share it right away. The image below is from a newspaper article from 1952 about one of the first patients of a gender-affirming surgery. 

Photo Credit: Cryingalonewithfrankenstein 

The first thing I noticed was how incredibly positive this article is! They use her correct pronouns and have nothing negative to say about her transition. Even if some bits would be considered politically uncorrect now, I think this article is more trans-positive than almost anything I read these days.

The original poster also included this translation of what the text in the image says:

George W. Jorgensen, Jr., son of a Bronx carpenter, served in the Army for two years and was given honorable discharge in 1946. Now George is no more. After six operations, Jorgensen’s sex has been changed and today she is a striking woman, working as a photographer in Denmark. Parents were informed of the big change in a letter Christine (that’s her new name) sent to them recently.

How cool is this?!?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gender-Affirming Surgery: Surgeries which change the makeup and physical appearance of someone's body to relieve gender dysphoria.

Transition: Typically thought of as the time someone stops identifying with the sex they were assigned at birth and starts identifying with their gender identity; may or may not include hormones, surgeries, etc; Can mean something different to every transgender person

Trans: Short for transgender; Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Just Trans Things

This is one of my favorite videos ever. We've all seen those "Just Girl Things", "Just Couple Things", etc. pictures and whatnot around the Internet. Check out this funny video by transgender Youtuber Alex Bertie, where he tackles "Just Trans Things"

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Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Transgender Day of Remembrance: Emergency Support

Given that the 20th was a day to remember trans lives lost, I thought I'd share some resources for if you or anyone you know who is transgender or anywhere else in the LGBTQIA+ community needs help.

http://www.translifeline.org/ (Trans specific - ran by trans people as well)

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.transhousingnetwork.com/ (Trans specific)

http://www.crisischat.org/

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now (LGBTQIA+ specific)
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Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

LGBTQIA+: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, plus

Genderless Photoset

Just a friendly reminder, thanks to Tumblr 

The Transgender Day of Remembrance: Memorializing Those We've Lost

The following is a list of all the names of our transgender siblings who have lost their lives this year due to transphobic hate crimes or suicide. The youngest of these was 13; the oldest 59. May they all rest in peace.

Keyshia Blige

Tamara Dominguez

Kandis Capri

Amber Monroe

Ashton O'Hara

Shade Shuler

K.C. Haggard

India Clarke

Mercedes Williamson

Penny Proud

Taja Gabrielle DeJesus

Bri Golec

Lamia Beard

Papi Edwards

Nephi Luthers

Diosvany Munoz Robaina

C.N. Alves de Matos Jr.

L.A. de Souza

Waleska Rayala

Paulihna

Flower

V.H.A. dos Santos

Patricia

Gabi

Erika Aguilera

India Nascimento

L.R.O. Dorta

Vanessa Calaca

Bruna J. Mendes

Sidney Araujo Claudino

Laura Vermont

Kauane da Silva

Kelly Silva

Andreja Amado

Carol Melo

Priscilla da Silva

Barbara Sodre

Jean Waltrick

Vandressa Vinnitt

Ticiane Abravanel

La Monique de Roma

Steffany

Job Rodriguez da Silva

Bruna

Bruna Quercia

Victoria Carmago

Bruna Michele

Debora

Vanessa Ganzaroli

Lotinha

Adriana

Bianca Araujo

Michael Lucas de Almeida Reginald

Natalia Ferrez

Ygor Fernando Oliviera Santos

Keity

Lara

Raissa

Capitu Santos

Joyce Akira

Pata

Didihna

Leo

Piu da Silva

Diana Sacayan

Marcela Chocobar

Francela Mendez

Fernanda "Coty" Olmos

Yoshi Tschuchida

Leticya Santos Ignacia

Miscilene

Miscilene

Tiffany Latifah

Tiffany Latifah

Anusha

Pravalika

Hande O

Leelah Alcorn

Ashley Hallstrom

Eylul Casin

Melonie Rose

Zander Mahaffey

Aubrey Mariko Shine

Ash Haffner

Sage David

Taylor Wells

Ezra Page

Blake Brockington

Taylor Alesana

Sam Taub

Rachel Bryk

Cameron Langrell

Jess Shipps

Kyler Prescott

Sam Ehly

Skylar Marcus Lee

Ryley Courchene

Emmett Castle

13 Unidentified

The Transgender Day of Remembrance: Rita

Photo Credit: Label-Aid

Content Warning: 

Murder, Death, Hate Crimes, Transphobia.

If you are bothered by any of these, please read this post with caution.

This video by Skylar Kergil talks about the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which takes place today - November 20th - annually.

Skylar shared the following information about how TDOR got started,

"The Transgender Day of Remembrance was a day founded in order for us to memorialize those whose lives were lost due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. It is a day to raise awareness of anti-transgender hate crimes, as well as a day for us to mourn and honor those whose lives were lost who may be forgotten. Transgender Day of Remembrance, or TDOR if that's a simpler acronym for you, started in 1999 following the murder of Rita Hester in 1998.

Photo Credit: TransGRiot

Rita Hester was a transgender African American woman, murdered on November 28th 1998 in Boston, Massachusetts...She was killed in her apartment due to anti-transgender violence, just two days before her 35th birthday.

The reaction to that was an outpouring of grief and sadness into the streets, to hold a vigil just a few days later for Rita's honor. That vigil has turned into Transgender Day of Remembrance."

Skylar also shared an exceptional original poem titled Rita (in honor of Rita Hester mentioned above), but as he said "it is really for all of us." You can hear that by clicking the video link above or right here.
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Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

True Life: I'm Genderqueer (Full Episode!)

Here's the link to the full episode of the True Life: I'm Genderqueer special I talked about in my last post. It's a good watch!



http://www.mtv.com/full-episodes/9vkwdv/true-life-i-m-genderqueer-ep-genderq

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Genderqueer: Someone who does not identify with a single, exclusively masculine or feminine gender identity

True Life: I'm Genderqueer (Sneak Peek!)

I rarely ever watch MTV. But I happened to skip past it on the guide tonight and saw an episode of True Life on titled "True Life: I'm Genderqueer" - and I couldn't be more thrilled!

 Since the episode just aired tonight, the full episode is not yet available online. When it is, I will post the link to that here. But for now, here's a sneak peek from the MTV website.

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Genderqueer: Someone who does not identify with a single, exclusively masculine or feminine gender identity

Frustrated Trans-Person/Student Rant

When will school faculty stop thinking they know how I identify better than I do? I understand what your paperwork says. I understand what you see, and that I may not be the most picture-perfect example of what you expect a "guy" to be. But what gives you the right to say that you see is more important than what I /know/ and live with every day?

I don't give a shit what you believe. If you think my identity is something to be shameful of, then that's your opinion and I respect it. All I ask for is the same respect, like not deliberately using my birth name or wrong pronouns continuously in a CLASSROOM where people don't all know I'm trans. This is not a battle to be held when you're in a position of power over me.

When you continue to out me in front of people who may or may not have known my assigned sex at birth, that not only destroys my self confidence and shows me that you don't care about respecting your students with the same respect you ask for, but it potentially puts me in danger - and as someone who is supposed to be a positive figure for their students that's not okay.

Rant over. <3

My tattoo, it reads "The Floor Is Hard, Not Unforgiving".

A constant reminder to myself to stay strong, and that nothing that is negative is worth submitting to.

Any obstacle can be overcome, you just need to be around to do it.

If You're Wearing A Binder Right Now...

Sit up nice and tall...

Photo Credit: HDImages and Clipartpanda

Photo Credit: Clker

Try to get as straight as you can...
(With your posture, that is)

          

Photo Credit: Cliparthunt

Relax your upper body...

Especially those shoulders.... 

Photo Credit: ClipartOf

Take a deeeeep breath in through your nose... 

Keep going...







Till you feel it in your belly... 

The tips of your lungs...

And your ribs puff out...

Photo Credit: ClipartCo

Now exhale slowly through your mouth.... 











If you're done you're not doing it slow enough... 

Keep going...

Photo Credit: Pearls of Prosperity

Till it's all out.... 

Photo Credit: USF

Now stretch.... 

Photo Credit: Clker 

Arms up to the sky.... 

Out like an airplane and twist to each side...

Photo Credit: ClipartLord

Touch your toes....

Come back up....  

Photo Credit: Wonders of Disney

Roll your shoulders backwards a few times....

Then forwards... 

Photo Credit: Dreams Time

Photo Credit: ShutterStock

Face forward and cough...  

Twist to the left and cough...

Twist to the right and cough... 






Tell yourself you are an awesome person... 

Photo Credit: Can Stock

You're strong... 
You're worthy... 

Photo Credit: Clipartof

You're valid.... 

Photo Credit: Can Stock

Now do it all again.

(And if you have a Tumblr, I recommed following this blog for regular binder reminders like this)
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Binder: A compression vest used to give the appearance of a flattened chest.

Words Do Not Define Me.

Content Warning: Misgendering, Obscene Language, Slurs, Transphobia, Suicide, Bullying.

If you are bothered by any of these, please read with caution.

I wanted to share this amazing photoset I found on Tumblr. It was posted by the user thetransprincess with the following caption:

"Words used to have impact on me, especially in the start of my transition... 

Now, I am confident, comfortable, and careless

as to what others have to say about me.

I am not going to become the negativity,

 I will shed it."

Oops: I Accidentally Misgendered Someone...Now What?

I'm misgendered on a daily basis. On mistake, on purpose, by strangers, by friends, family classmates, co-workers, and teachers, by people I'm not out to, by people I am out to. And yeah - it sucks. But it happens, and I get that. I know that it's not practical to expect the world around me to instantly know, use, or respect my gender identity.

This is a pretty universal mindset for transgender people. Nobody likes being misgendered - and at times it can really ruin your day/week/month and cause some pretty crappy gender dysphoria. But as much as we hate it we know it's gonna happen.

What makes all the difference is what goes on after it happens. Misgendering someone on purpose is never okay. But when it happens on accident - we get it. Accidents happen. Sometimes it's just out of habit - our names and pronouns are new and you're still getting used to it. Sometimes it's an honest slip of tongue. Sometimes you just didn't know and forgot not to assume. I'm trans and I know I've accidentally misgendered people. Probably more times than I do even know about, honestly.

The point is, it's not the end of the world if you screw up. If it's an honest accident, most transgender people aren't going to instantly hate you forever. But it is important to react appropriately when it does happen.

If you accidentally misgender someone...

Do:
Apologize: Say you're sorry, correct yourself, and move on quickly.
"We're still waiting for her- I'm sorry, him- to come. "
"We're still waiting for Alli-I'm sorry, Dallas - to come."



Don't:
Over-Apologize: We know you mean good, but drawing attention to it like this just makes it more uncomfortable. 
"We're still waiting for her...oh my god! Him! It's him. I'm sorry. We're waiting for him. Oh god I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I know it's him, not her. Him him him. I'll get it next time I promise. Him. Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. Are you okay? Can you forgive me? Okay. We're waiting for HIM -to come."

It's really as easy as that!

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Misgender: To invalidate someone's gender; Usually by referring to them by an incorrect gender, incorrect pronouns, or a birth name".

Out: A term used for someone who has already "come out" about how they identify in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Gender Identity: A person's personal perception of their own gender

Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Gender Dysphoria: When someone experiences discomfort or distress over a mismatch between their gender identity and assigned sex at birth.

How Can I Avoid Misgendering Someone?

Photo Credit: Robert Gehl

So someone you know came out as transgender, or has asked you to use a different name or pronouns than you were using for them before. Obviously, getting used to referring to someone a different way will not always be an automatic thing. People are creatures of habit by nature. If we're used to doing something one way, we often do it that way without even thinking about it; and while changing that is definitely possible, it takes effort. 

We get it - it's okay! Nobody is perfect and mistakes happen. But obviously, you probably don't want to misgender someone just as badly as they don't want to be misgendered by you. Here are some things I have either tried myself or heard from others that can help you avoid accidentally misgendering someone, or get you used to remembering names and pronouns.

Never Assume

Realize that you CANNOT tell someone's pronouns just by looking at them. 

Gender expression and gender identity are two completely different things.
Recognize that just because someone may look or act in a way that is seen as very masculine, does not mean they identify as a man. 

Recognize that just because someone buys products seen as female-exclusive does not mean they are a woman.

This is the most important thing you can do to avoid misgendering people, even if it's all mental.

If you stop making assumptions in your head, you'll stop making them out loud.

Ask!

If you're unsure of someone's pronouns, just ask! People are a lot less likely to be offended by you asking than they would be if you just assumed and got it wrong. I personally feel very respected when people make the effort to ask instead of just guessing. 

If you're really that uncomfortable just asking someone that right off the bat, get in the habit of introducing yourself with the pronouns you go by.

If you introduce yourself with: "Hi, I'm Tristan and I use xe/xem pronouns"

It's likely you'll get similar info in their introduction back.

Use gender neutral pronouns as often as you can,

 especially in LGBTQIA+ spaces.

I've met women with beards and men with breasts.

I've met nonbinary and agender people that present very feminine or masculine, or are completely androgynous.

So just to clarify again - You CANNOT tell anyone's pronouns just by looking at them.

Which is why using gender neutral pronouns until you are positive of how someone identifies can be a very crucial thing that everyone should really learn to do.

While I think this is important to do no matter where you are, I find it especially important in places where you know there is a large amount of LGBTQIA+ people around.

At my first job I worked in a company that sold feminine clothing,

so we were trained to say "Hello lady/ladies, welcome to *store name*" every time someone came in.

But since clothing is genderless and there was no way to tell if everyone coming in identified as a lady, I got in the habit of saying "Hello everyone" or just simple "Hello, welcome to *store name*,

Some more examples...

Instead of "Mr", "Mrs.", "Miss" say "Mx.", their last name ("Novak" instead of "Mr. Novak"), or avoid the title ("Maya Matlin" instead of "Miss Matlin").

Instead of "He", "She", "Him", "Her", "His", "Hers" etc. say... "They", "Them", "Theirs" etc.

Instead of "You guys" say "You all; Everyone; All of you"

Instead of "That  is for that man/woman over there" say "That is for that person over there". or a descriptor like "That is for the person in the pink shirt".

Instead of "Ladies and Gentlemen" or "Boys and Girls" say "People, Folks, Children", etc.

Instead of "police man", "fireman", "stewardess" etc. say "police officer", "fire fighter", "flight attendant", etc.

Names can also be used in place of any pronouns, like saying:

"That belongs to Clare", "Jonah is not a senior" or "Where did Eli go?"

in place of   "That belongs to her", "They are not a senior", or "Where did he go?"

Look!

Now, before you say that this contradicts what I said about not being able to tell someone's gender identity by looking at them - I don't mean look at the person.

Many people include their pronouns somewhere on social media, like listing them in their Twitter or Instagram bios. Facebook even has an option for gender neutral pronouns to be used in place of he/him or she/her.

I wear a necklace with my pronouns on it almost every day. I've seen people do the same, as well as list them on nametags in appropriate circumstances. While this is not too common, I always check for something like this just to be safe.

Intigrate new information into the old

If you're dealing with someone who has just come out, mix their new info in with the old until you've got it down.

If your friend Gracie now wants to go by Adam you might get confused if you see that name pop up in your text messages and aren't used to calling that person by that name yet.

Try changing their contact info name to something like:

"Adam (Gracie)"

until you remember who that is and can just list them as Adam without being confused.

You can also add pronouns in there if those change too, like:

"Adam (Gracie - He/Him"

"Drew (They/Them)"

"Bianca (Ze/Zir)"

etc.

Practice

I've sat with my laptop open to someone's Facebook pictures and scrolled through them and said their pronouns over and over until they were drilled in my brain along with their face.

I've practiced sentences over and over in my head with someone's new name.

I've heard of people writing their friends' new names or pronouns over and over together so they associate them with each other.

When I joined a group chat with 30+ people I didn't know, I made a document in my phone with everyone's username, name and pronouns and opened it whenever I was on chat until I knew who everyone was and how they identified/

There is nothing wrong with having to do a certain tactic or two to get yourself out of an old habit and into a new one.

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Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with their sex assigned at birth.

Misgender: To invalidate someone's gender; Usually by referring to them by an incorrect gender, incorrect pronouns, or a birth name".

Gender Expression: The way a person externally presents their or any gender identity, or the concept of masculinity vs. femininity

Non-binary: Any gender identity that is not specifically male or female 

Agender: Someone who does not have a gender identity.

Androgynous: Combination of masculine and feminine characteristics 

Gender Neutral: Applicable to any or all genders

LGBTQIA+: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, plus

Mx.: A gender neutral title, in place of "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Miss."

Gender Identity: A person's personal perception of their own gender

Misgendering: What it is and Why it Matters.

Content Warning: Misgendering.

If you are bothered by the mention of misgendering, please read with caution.

I have defined misgendering on this blog as:

"To invalidate someone's gender; Usually by referring to them by an incorrect gender, incorrect pronouns, or a birth name."

Photo Credit: Sacha

Misgendering is really a very broad topic because it can be done in so many ways, and is likely to effect everyone differently. What one person is offended by may not offend the next and vice versa.

 Someone may be okay with being misgendered in certain situations,

like if they're not out to everyone and don't wish to be...

...While others aren't okay with it under any circumstances.

(This is pretty typical - but it's always best to ask if you're unsure!)

Misgendering can include:

•  Not using someone's correct pronouns.
•  Referring to a person with a gender they do not identify as (such as the sex they were assigned at birth.)
•  Calling someone by their birth name when they have asked to be called something different
• Asking someone what their "real name" or "real gender" was upon finding out they are transgender.
• Telling someone their pronouns or gender identity "do not exist" 

Fun fact, not only transgender people are effected by misgendering either...

That cisgender boy on your softball team that everyone jokingly refers to as a girl because he can't pitch as well as the others?

Yep, he's being misgendered.

That girl with the short hair who wears boy clothes and is constantly referred to in a masculine way even though she identifies as female?

Her too. 

Photo Credit: House of Juan

So now on to the big question:

Why does this matter?

If you have siblings, think of this scenario.

*If not, try thinking of a cousin, a parents' sibling, housemate, etc, in place of a sibling:

Have you ever been called by your siblings' name by accident? Of course you have. Because parents are people and make mistakes like the rest of us. 

So your parent calls you by the wrong name and you probably laugh and remind them what name is yours. They probably laugh with you and might say sorry and call you by the correct name this time.

But then it happens again. No big deal...until it happens a third time, and a fourth, and a fifth...

 Your parent is addressing you but keeps using your siblings name instead. At first it was no big deal, but now it's getting annoying. You correct them again, but this time - nothing. They don't laugh, they don't apologize. They just keep doing it like they can't hear you.

Then it spreads. Now it's not just your parent calling you by your siblings name but your classmates, co-workers, other family members, the teller at the bank. No matter how many people you correct, it makes no difference. Everyone is completely set on referring to you by your siblings name.

Some people just ignore you when you correct them. Some stare you up and down like you're a space alien and say "No, your name is..." and insert your siblings' name where your name should be. They start talking to you about all these things your sibling likes that you couldn't give a crap about. When you try to talk about your interests and what you like, they ignore it. They insist they know who you are and what you like to talk about.

 You can't fight it. The more you do and the more angry you get, the more persistent people are on telling you you're wrong. If you get angry, they get angry back. This doesn't just happen for a day. This happens for days, weeks, months, years...for the rest of your life.

You KNOW what your name is, and you know that is who you are. 

You have your own identity. 

But that identity doesn't matter to anybody but you anymore. 

Everyone you meet tells you they know you better than you do.

Think about how you would feel. 

Unheard? Misunderstood? Invalidated? Frustrated?

 Like your feelings don't matter? Like people don't know who you are anymore? 

Unimportant? Irrelevant? Hopeless? Confused? Hurt?

By now, I hope you see the connection. Nobody knows you better than you do, but when someone is misgendered it's telling them the opposite. It's telling them that their gender identity doesn't matter. It's telling them that they can only be who you want them to be, not who they are. Not only is it rude and disrespectful, it's mentally draining. It hurts. It's creating a world where people are not safe being themselves.

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Out: A term used for someone who has already "come out" about how they identify in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Pronouns: A replacement for nouns and noun phrases (He, they, ze, you, etc)

Birth Name: The name someone is given at birth.

Transgender: Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Gender Identity: A person's personal perception of their own gender

Cisgender: Someone whose gender identity does align with the sex they were assigned at birth.